be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
