Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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