I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
