I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
