I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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