just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
