I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
