probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
