I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
