this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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