Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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