every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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