Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
