you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
