she smelled like a LAN party
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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