the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
