how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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