I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
