Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
