Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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