it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
