your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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