All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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