Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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