my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
