My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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