It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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