Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
