He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is Oprah even human
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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