sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did not marry a roomba.
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