You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
