I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
