i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her facebook's as public as her vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
