gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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