i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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