she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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