I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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