I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
