I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
