I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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