i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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