He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
