apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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