My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
