I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
