Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
