You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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