You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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