If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
