Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
