he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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