It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
