i permit you to call me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's get the cat blown out
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
