At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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