Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
