the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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