A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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