So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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