I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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